Pappa wants mamma naked
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
