pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
