Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
