Need sex. Gaining weight.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
