What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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