Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
