Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
