Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They took my balls.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
