youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
