my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
