I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i already hear my dad disowning me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i've created a new STD.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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