Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
