I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
