I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
