I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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