I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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