I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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