i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you traded sex for a burrito?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
