Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
