Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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