$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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