I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
