The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
