he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
