so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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