she told me i tasted like america
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
