White coat. Heels.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
