Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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