Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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