WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
