Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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