Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
