I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
