so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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