I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
