3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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