I accidentally had phone sex last night
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
