we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
