i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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