My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
