So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
this hospital has no fireball
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
