she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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