I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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