he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
