just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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