didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
