Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
