Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
