I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
