I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
