it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
