I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i think i just lost a toe
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
